
The History of the World
By "History of the World," what I really mean is, "History of Things that Happened to Me, or that I Know About." And though I am dimly aware that other things may have also happened (like Asia) we don't have much time, so let's gloss over that. But since most of written history is bullshit, let me point out that my version, once complete, is going to piss off everybody – which is how we know it's probably the closest thing to reality.
1920 - 1930 - 1940 - 1950 - 1960 - 1970 - 1980 - 1990 - 2000 - 2010 - 2020
1914/06/28: Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria is assassinated, starting World War I.
1915/--/--:
191x/xx/xx: My great-grandmother is born in the Austro-Hungarian Empire.
1916/--/--:
1917/--/--:
1918/11/11: The Allies win WWI. Austria-Hungary dissolves and Yugoslavia is created.
1919/--/--:
1920/--/--:
1921/--/--:
1922/--/--:
1923/--/--:
1924/--/--:
1925/--/--:
~1920s-50s: My unwed great-grandmother and fatherless daughter serve as housemaids in the United Kingdom and Italy.
1926/--/--:
1927/--/--:
1928/--/--:
1929/10/29: Black Tuesday - the most devastating stock market crash in American history signals the beginning of the Great Depression.
1930/--/--:
1931/--/--:
1932/--/--:
1933/03/04: Franklin D. Roosevelt begins his term as President of the United States.
1934/--/--:
1935/--/--:
1936/--/--:
1937/--/--:
1938/--/--:
1939/09/01: Hitler leads Germany to invade Poland, starting WWII.
1940/10/26: Winston Churchill first assumes office as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.
Early 1940s My well-born Italian grandfather fights for the Axis in WWII but is taken prisoner in Germany when Italy switches sides.
1941/12/07: Japan attacks Pearl Harbor in Hawaii, pulling America into the war.
1942/--/--:
1943/--/--:
1944/--/--:
1945/04/12: Harry S. Truman begins his term as President of the United States.
1945/08/--: America drops atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
1946/--/--:
1947/--/--:
1948/--/--:
1949/05/11: Establishment of the State of Israel.
1950/--/--:
1951/--/--:
1952/--/--:
1953/01/20: Dwight D. Eisenhower begins his term as President of the United States.
1953/06/02: Elizabeth II is crowned as queen of the United Kingdom and Commonwealth realms.
1954/--/--:
1955/--/--:
195x/xx/xx: My father is born in Canada.
1956/--/--:
1957/--/--:
1958/--/--:
1959/--/--:
1960/--/--:
1961/01/20: John F. Kennedy begins his term as President of the United States.
1961/04/12: Russian astronaut, Yuri Gagarin, becomes the first human to journey into outer space.
1962/--/--:
1963/11/22: US President John F. Kennedy is assassinated in Dallas, marking the beginning of the end of the American Dream.
1963/11/22: Lyndon B. Johnson begins his term as President of the United States.
1965/--/--:
196x/xx/xx: My mother is born in the United Kingdom.
1966/--/--:
1967/--/--:
1968/--/--:
1969/01/20: Richard Nixon begins his term as President of the United States.
1969/07/20: American astronauts Neil Armstrong and Edwin "Buzz" Aldrin became the first humans ever to land on the moon.
1970/--/--:
1971/--/--:
1972/--/--:
1973/--/--:
1974/01/20: Gerald Ford begins his term as President of the United States.
1975/04/30: The Fall of Saigon marks the end of the Vietnam War.
1976/--/--:
1977/01/20: Jimmy Carter begins his term as President of the United States.
1978/--/--:
1979/05/04: Margaret Thatcher assumes office as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.
1980/--/--:
1981/01/20: Ronald Reagan begins his term as President of the United States.
1982/--/--:
1983/--/--:
1984/--/--:
1985/--/--:
1986/04/26: Ukraine's Chernobyl nuclear power plant explosion releases large quantities of radioactive particles across the USSR and Europe.
1987/--/--:
1988/--/--:
1989/01/20: George H. W. Bush begins his term as President of the United States.
1989/01/30: I'm born 2 weeks late in Canada: a cold, socialist, former British colony then composed mostly of straight, white Christians.
1989/11/09: Fall of the Berlin Wall, ending Communism in Eastern and Central Europe.
1990/11/28: John Major assumes office as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.
1990/--/--:
1991/--/--:
1992/--/--:
1993/01/20: Bill Clinton begins his term as President of the United States.
1994/xx/xx: My first friend and neighbour moves away when her red house is sold, inspiring the opening sequence of Cherries & Clover.
1995/--/--:
1996/--/--:
1997/05/02: Tony Blair assumes office as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.
1997/08/31: Princess Diana dies from injuries sustained in a mysterious car crash in Paris.
1998 or '99 Summer vacation road trip to Florida and Disneyland with our cousins.
1998/09/--: I transfer from the public school system to Catholic for 4th grade. I first meet Andrea.
1998/--/--: Terrified by the concept of Hell, I begin reading the Bible every day for six years, planning to become a priest.
1999 Year : I spend 5th grade with the "cool kids" and am often sent to Group Zero. I liked drawing, hockey, and The Backstreet Boys.
2000/03/26: Vladimir Putin is first elected President of Russia.
2000/09/--: I have to make new friends again when I change classes in 6th grade. I liked playing Zelda on Nintendo 64 and making comics.
2001/01/20: George W. Bush begins his term as President of the United States.
2001/09/11: 9/11: The world suffers a stroke when its financial system is destroyed, leading to decades of confusion.
2002/01/01: The Euro currency goes into circulation in the European Union.
2002 Year : Grade 8: basketball, Spider-Man, getting suspended for organizing a "Hottest Girls" Vote. Almost elected Student Body President.
2002/12/25: My brother and I finally get a "decent" computer - best Christmas ever!
2003/09/--: I enter Catholic high school, which I find oppressive, but am inspired by an Einstein-like, globetrotting, absent-minded professor.
2004/02/04: Facebook is launched.
2004/--/--: I become atheist and interested in Socrates. I realize that hanging out with the basketball jocks is not the right crowd for me.
2005/02/14: YouTube is launched.
2005 Summer I run away from home but am stopped by a police officer on the side of some country road.
2005/--/--: I read George Orwell's 1984 and Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead becomes my favourite book. I become more rebellious and artistic.
2005 or 06: I decide not to become a doctor but a filmmaker instead after being smitten by an actress in the live musical, Wicked.
2006 Autumn Inspired by my new relationship with my childhood friend, Andrea, I write Cherries & Clover in senior year.
2007/01/09: Steve Jobs unveils the iPhone.
2007/--/--: We begin rehearsals for Cherries & Clover. Andrea begs me for a part but I cast actors based on merit instead.
2007 Spring After consulting with my brother, I suddenly break up with Andrea but still take her to the prom, then abandon her again.
2007/08/--: I first try smoking weed, which at that time was still considered weird and dangerous. I also first meet an openly gay person.
'08 Jun-Sep I shoot Cherries & Clover over the summer.
2008/--/--: I become interested in the work of Aubrey de Grey, Raymond Kurzweil and Peter Thiel.
2008/10/31: The Bitcoin whitepaper is published. One BTC costs 3 cents.
2008 Autumn I first try magic mushrooms with my friend, Jaryd, a Theatre major in my dormitory. We listen to Pink Floyd non-stop.
2009/01/20: Barack Obama begins his term as President of the United States.
2009 Spring Twice rejected from the film program for being a white male, despite having the best credentials, I drop out.
2010/05/11: David Cameron assumes office as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.
2010 Summer My father assures me not to worry about the rumoured rise of China.
2010/08/23: I move to Santa Monica, California in the first of many cross-country roadtrips. See Roadtrip USA 2010.
2010 - 2013 I work on the post-production and distribution of Cherries & Clover.
2011/07/25: Mushroom Trip II with my actor-musician friend, Randy, in California's Calico mountains.
2012/xx/xx: I marry my aspiring actress roommate Blaiz in Las Vegas.
2013/03/xx: My roommate, John, moves into my apartment.
2013/03/14: Xi Jinping is elected President of the People's Republic of China.
2013 Year : I begin learning computer programming and electromechanical engineering and develop the Parking Spot Saver.
2013/08/15: I first promote Bitcoin on Facebook. One BTC then cost $107, now: $22,414 (as of March 5, 2023).
2014 Year : I continue promoting Bitcoin but only my family and one friend listen - all eventually making incredible returns.
2014/01/--: I begin working for a startup in Santa Monica's thriving tech sector.
2014/08/31: I begin discussions with two billionaires, one of whom invites me to join his startup incubator in New York.
2015 Year : I co-found a music streaming platform called Enterprise Sound.
2015/11/xx: My grandfather passes away.
2016/07/01: I fly to Texas to buy Scarlett - my Alfa Romeo Spider.
2016 Summer Blaiz and I get divorced.
2016/07/13: Theresa May assumes office as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.
2016/10/02: My Norwegian roommate, Ebba, sings for me in our California apartment.
2016 Winter Drinking games with Ebba's younger sister strains our friendship. I ask her to move out after discovering a secret.
2016/11/xx: I'm stranded yet again when my convertible's engine EXPLODES outside Las Vegas after narrowly escaping a blizzard in Wyoming.
2017/01/20: Donald Trump begins his term as President of the United States.
2017/02/xx:
2017/03/xx:
2017/04/xx:
2017/05/xx:
2017/06/xx:
2017/07/xx:
2017/08/xx:
2017 Autumn Bitcoin skyrockets, briefly making me a millionaire at 28.
2017/09/28: I miss my flight to Reykjavik, so go to Moscow instead.
2017 Autumn I meet Stefano in Moscow.
'17 Nov-Dec First fling with Яна in Moscow and Saint Petersburg and I somehow get a black eye on the infamous Dumskaya street.
2017/12/--: I return to California for Christmas; Bitcoin price crashes.
'18 Jan-Mar I move to Tennessee for three months. Bitcoin price continues descent and I shave my head.
'18 Mar-Jun Second fling with Яна in Russia.
2018/07/xx: First trip to Norway. I visit Oslo and Trondheim, meet Negus, then fly to Berlin and Munich.
2018/07/27: I meet Liepa in Lithuania and fall hard for her instantly.
2018 Summer Яна tells me she is pregnant but I tell her to get an abortion.
2018 Summer I buy my first Mercedes-Benz, Полина, in Moscow.
2018 ~Sept: I join Liepa in the Netherlands where she is starting university. I confide in her, not realizing she will exploit it.
2018/11/xx:
2018/12/xx:
2019/01/xx: Liepa and I move into the same apartment building but she ghosts me soon after. I go clubbing in Vilnius.
2019/02/xx:
2019/03/xx:
2019/04/24: I drive to Estonia to rebound with Katarina.
2019/05/xx:
2019 Summer I drive back to the Netherlands to try to get Liepa back and break things off with Klaudija by text.
2019/06/xx:
2019/07/24: Boris Johnson assumes office as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.
2019/07/xx: I get my license suspended for one year for speeding.
2019/08/xx:
2019 Autumn I return to London, then head to Manchester and Edinburgh.
2019/11/xx:
2019/12/xx:
2020/01/xx: I get the big apartment.
2020/01/xx: I go to The Louvre in Paris and visit Hebe in London.
2020/01/31: Brexit - the United Kingdom leaves the European Union.
2020/02/xx:
2020/03/11: WHO declares Covid a pandemic.
2020/04/xx:
2020/05/xx:
2020/06/xx:
2020/07/xx:
2020/08/xx: Second trip to Norway.
2020/09/xx:
2020/10/xx:
2020/11/xx: I visit Hamburg.
2020/11/25: I move to Stockholm, though end up staying only a few months.
2020/12/xx:
2021/01/20: Joe Biden begins his term as President of the United States.
2021/02/xx:
2021/03/xx: I get in a bad and mysterious car crash in Latvia. The Benz is totalled.
2021/04/xx:
2021/05/xx:
2021/06/xx:
2021/07/xx:
2021 Autumn I take a third trip to Russia during the Covid pandemic and pre-Ukraine crisis.
2021/11/xx:
2021/12/xx:
2022/01/xx:
2022/02/24: Russia invades Ukraine.
'22 Mar-Sep Living in Kaunas, Lithuania.
2022/04/xx:
2022/05/xx:
2022/06/xx:
2022/07/13: Start of business trip.
2022/08/xx:
2022/09/08: Charles III ascends to the throne as King of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.
2022/10/25: Rishi Sunak assumes office as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.
2022 Autumn My US passport is stolen when shipping it from Lithuania to Nashville so I get a replacement.
2023/03/06: Another important document disappears en route to Lithuania via the USPS. It is marked as delivered (but never signed for).
2023/04/xx: Third trip to Finland.
2023/05/xx: First trip to Japan.
2023/06/xx:
2023/07/xx:
2023/08/xx:
2023/09/xx:
2023/10/xx:
2023/11/xx:
2023/12/xx:
2024/01/xx:
2024/02/xx:
2024/03/xx:
2024/04/xx:
2024/05/xx:
2024/06/xx:
2024/07/05: Keir Starmer assumes office as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.
2024/08/xx:
2024/09/xx:
2024/10/xx:
2024/11/xx:
2024/12/xx:
2025/01/20: Donald Trump begins his second term as President of the United States.
2025/02/xx:
2025/03/xx:
2025/04/xx:
2025/05/xx:
2025/06/xx:
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