Gender Equality Prosperity

Obviously every political movement has both real and fake proponents. I'm a real feminist – I tell the truth...

OH GAWD NOT MORE POLITICAL BS. –– Humor me.

Feminism is more just a derogatory word for sexually-unsatisfied women. It's actually kinda important. WHAAT? Why on earth would A MAN give A FUCK about WOMEN?

I get it: you're confused about the basics. Fuck off. This article isn't for you. It's 2026. I'm going to assume that anyone who matters has already answered the 1940s questions for themselves. The question then, is: What Do They Not Know? The answer, I think, is that Feminism is a story about me. Or rather, my life is a story about Feminism.

So the other day I see this really short-haired girl masturbating in the street. Or maybe she was smoking on a curb, I can't remember. But she offers me a cigarette, or something, and we end up chatting. Naturally, she is half my age, so, you know, it's not like there could be any reason for a grown man to actually be interested in what she might have to say. But she's got these tattoos and a generally "openminded" aesthetic, so we get that we can probably both color outside the lines, and there's a mutual respect for that.

This is hardly a new occurence for me. In fact, pretty much the same thing had already happened a week earlier, but I didn't complete the test, so God gave me another shot.

A few hours in, it dawns on me: this chubby little weirdo, this politically-overzealous bleeding heart, sweating through her unsuitable warm clothing in the middle of summer –– this kid is me.

BANG! Somebody's enchilada explodes in the microwave on the other side of the world, but I get it now. She IS the future. I AM the past. I am the middle-aged guy who doesn't realize how much he's fallen behind. But I get it now. I learned something important from a girl!

I guess there's a first time for everything.